Clueless
by Fish and Chipz
Summary: AU. One shot. They're used to light up streets, dogs use it to pee on... For the lamppost fixer, it was a ticket to a new way of meeting some unexpected people in life. Slight HieiOC


Some random thing I typed up in my free time. It's a one shot. Product of a high sugar intake. Plus, it's summer – wanted to try out something new. Watch out for OOC-ness, and randomness. Most of it is rambling, I think. Originally, I had thought of another plot for this story, but it'd take too long, so I gave it up. It's slight HieiOC.

Anyhoo, enjoy...

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_**Clueless**_

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_By Fish and Chips_

My family is full of environmental-friendly health care freaks. It's awfully confusing – what's confusing about being environmental friendly, you ask? Okay, okay, I'll start right from the top to the bottom. My old family consisted of my Daddy Bob the XII, and my mum. I have three older brothers – two old enough to live by themselves yet they stay in the house, one younger than me - they are annoying and everyone knows it, but then again, which younger sibling wouldn't annoy their older sibling, and which older sibling wouldn't find their younger sibling annoying? At that time, dad was a bin collector – yup, being around people's inorganic waste is a bit unhygienic, but because he goes around streets in the truck with his friends, hauling up heavy, council wheelie bins from people's front gardens, and tipping the entire contents into the truck with ease, daddy developed some muscles. Unfortunately, mum died prior to heart failure, and then dad met my step mommee – who immediately got googly eyed after she watched him through the window of her charitable volunteering Marie Curie care centre. She had five children, the majority older than my brothers and me. I now hadan extrahelping oftwo older sisters, one older brother, another younger brother, and a younger sister.

Of course, because dad is in the council, my brothers are also in the council community spots –from my stepmother's side – her oldest children are also part of the environment safe acts. And me? Yes, yes I've probably bored you enough with my ramblings about my family – but now, it's onto me. I am seventeen years old – left school a year ago. Dad suggested I get a job in the council, since everyone in my family has got one like that. They make very good scrumptious money – it's not a surprise if they bathe in money notes for showers – but then why are we living in such a rundown flat in which I have to share a bedroom with my two crybaby brother and sister? I just don't get it.

So, I got a job – as a lamppost fixer. It's not as easy as it sounds – no, if you see a lamppost flickering dimly in the street, you don't kick it to get it work. You have to unscrew the metal flap at the base of the lamppost, and begin fixing the wires. Of course, lampposts are supposed to automatically flicker on when it gets dark – sort of like, light sensors they have. With the whole world mostly populated by lampposts on the streets, roads, etc – we need a large force of lamppost fixers. Lampposts are quite interesting, actually. They're used to light the streets up when it's dark, dogs use it to pee on, and for me… well, it was quite an odd meeting, I tell you.

One day, when the whole house is completely void of people except me – dad and mum at work as usual, sisters and brothers also at work, babies at school. No-one here to prevent me from eating the ice cream in the fridge, no-one fighting over the TV remote with me, no-one being able to see me doing the Full Monty – haha, our house is bare, no-one will know what I'm doing! Instead, I'm just lounging on our leather U-sofa eating strawberries, flicking through the TV lazily. All there is on are shows about politics and cartoons. I suddenly get a call form the office – even though today is my day off – and I answer tiredly, even though half of me is wanting to switch the phone to silent, and innocently claim that the phone wasn't near me on my day off. "Ya?"

They tell me to go to district 13, where local residents have been reporting of a faulty lamppost that may endanger drivers on the road. Sighing, I oblige my boss-man, and take my toolbox. So much for having a break – I depart from the safe, inner sanctum of which is called, my house. District 13 is this shady part of town I've been past thousands of times; the lampposts there are practically immortal, so what was wrong? I checked the map and reports, yup, it's this one – I come face to face with an average-looking lamppost, and sigh, then set the box down. I instantly find this really strong, stingy, pungent smell wafting around the air around the lamppost – yup, it's definitely dog pee… Right, time to get to work.

Eventually, after attaching several wires and 'glueing' them together – I close the flap back over the lamppost's exposed inside, and wait. It's already dark – almost time for dinner back at the home. I wait for the light tot turn on.

Nothing happens.

Eh? I open the inside again and tamper around more. Then I shut it again. Still no light – ahh, what was this? From the tall distance as I look up – I vaguely make the shape out of a seagull'spointed bottom sitting on the lamppost's head. Ah, maybe that was why it wasn't working.

I look around – then try to attempt to shoo the bird away, but seeing how far we are from one another – it's quite hard. Since, I am quite short in height - I feel like I am trying to shoot a basketball hoop. "Shoo! Shoo! Go away! Go build your nest somewhere else! Go away! Or I'll have to do overtime today!" I say, waving my arms around. Nah, it's no good. All the seagull does is twist its head to the left, away from me, then it's tail feathers lift up, and it drops something on my toolbox. I scream as a white bomb explodes on the black plastic of my box. "You - ! My box!" I pick up a rock on the grass, it was quite large and heavy - and threw it at the fat bird. The rock goes flying past its head; the bird blinks innocently at me. I think it's mocking me that I need better aim. Grrr! Wait, I just threw a rock at a bird – argh, animal cruelty, I'll get done for. Shit. At least it missed.

I hear a sickening crack amongst the distance, and from the tree behind the lamppost, a black figure comes tumbling out. I stare at him as he gathers himself up, rubbing the back of his head. Oh great, it's him; the '_Lamppost-standee_'. Damn, I really do see him almost every night. I must've hit him with the rock, oopsie.

Yeah, that's what I dubbed him – Lamppost-stander/standee/whateva. He's this odd guy, a bit short for his age, but scary and tough for me to handle, that I completely ignore him for most of the time. The guy gets up, and his dangerous red eyes latch onto my small form – I shrug at him helplessly, and point at the fat bird who is still sitting on the head. The guy glares even more ferociously, eyes spitting venom. How did I meet him? Well, he stands on the actual lampposts sometimes, staring out to the city – well, that's when I saw him the first time – at the middle of the night, when I was fixing this lamppost at some neighbourhood, and there he was, eyeing me down from above. I said 'Hi', all he done was grunt, and he landed down, not even hurt at all. I measured the distance he leapt from when I came back to the same lamppost the next day – it was about, twenty five metes – a bit intimidating, I often wonder what kind of shoes he has, I mean, the guy practically stands perfectly still on the head of the lamppost. Do they have suction cups or something? It's quite eerie.

He asked me what I was doing – I looked at the wires in my hand. "Lamppost fixing." I merely replied, and then he begins talking about how annoying ningen contraptions were. Because he addressed me as 'ningen', I thought; he were probably one of those nerdy guys who played too much Fantasy board games, thinking that they were elves or some other character wielding swords and shields on a quest to find some holy grail or some sort, so I shrugged it off. He watched me fix it, and when the light eventually snapped on; I waved goodbye at him – his lip moved slightly, as if wanting to say something, but then he stopped halfway, turned away from me and grunted again.

Then he flitted away.

I saw him again another night, this time, fixing a lamppost near the previous one, but not too close. He starts rambling again, this time, calling me 'onna'. The next day, I don't see him; he doesn't hang around lampposts anymore. He's a strange fellow, adorned in black, with a white scarf – doesn't he get hot? I know I do. I've never asked for his name, even though most of the time, I sometimes see him lurking within trees at the park – yup, being the average lamppost fixer has its benefits, I see strange things everyday.

Lamppost-stander still glares at me from halfway across the grass.

"Sorry, it was an accident." I apologize quickly, rubbing the back of my neck with my gloves.

"Baka onna." He spits out at me, glaring full-frontal. Yikes, no need to bite my head off!

"Hey," I point at him and frown. "No need to be nasty, I said I was sorry."

"Hn," He grunts – yeah, it's starting to get on my nerves now…. "What are you doing?"

"Lamppost-fixing, duh! But that bird's in my way!" I reply measly, pointing to the bird. "Look what it done to my toolbox!"

He follows the direction of my finger, which is now pointing to the box at the corner, and he smirks – his eyes settling on the nice, white splodge.

I shake my tiny fists as I clench them. "Stop laughing, now help me!"

"I don't have time for this, onna."

"Wai! Help me out, la…!" I plead him desperately. "Just go up there and shoo it away!"

He irks at me. "Why should I help you?"

"Why should I answer your question?"

Grr, this isn't getting us anywhere – our staring match grows more intense – eventually, I have to give in, his gaze is too strong. Especially with those eyes – they seem to be piercing needles in my fragile skin. Gulps. Now I find the short boy to be more irritating than I thought. "Fine, I'll help." He says gruffly as he ties his bandanna around his forehead tightly. "But on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You get me a tub of sweet snow."

"Hah?"

"Sweet snow, you stupid ningens invented it…"

"Sweet… snow? You can't eat snow." Weirdo.

"Not that kind, the ones you see in shops, in boxes, cones, colours – "

"…. Ice cream?" I say as I finally got the message, raising an eyebrow. "You want me…. to get you an ice cream?"

"Yes."

I don't know whether to start laughing or not, but I stare at him again suspiciously. He's around my age – why does he act like such a little boy? He glares at me and marches away, to the lamppost, and stares at the fat bird – it's still sitting there. He unsheathes a sword from his black cloak – I stare at him, then at the sword… okay, he is really freaking me out.

"Where'd you get that from?" I ask, pointing to the katana.

"Shut up, if you want this to be over and done with quickly, I'll kill it."

"No, wait, la! You can't kill it! It's just a bird!" I say desperately, waving my arms at him as I ran over to the foot of the lamppost. "You can't kill it!"

"Why not? It's ugly enough already." He barks at me. "Now step aside, you're in my way."

I quickly side step away from the long tip of his sword. Is it even real? I didn't dare try to find out. I clear my throat and brought his hand down. "Animals are protected by the RSPCA, that's the animal-protection thingy, you can't kill it, or you'd be put in jail."

He raises an eyebrow, then closes his eyes, and growls under his breath. He shakes his arm out from mine and puts his sword back into the sheath. "So what?"

"You gotta respect the animals, Lamppost-stander - " The words just strolled out from my tongue. I instantly shut myself up and hope he isn't staring, but he is.

"What did you just call me?" He says suspiciously.

My voice goes all high pitched and squeaky. "…. _Lamppost-stander_. Well, that's because, you are! I mean, no-one else stands on stop of lampposts, except you – hell, I've never even seen anyway standing on before, la!"

_Lamppost-stander_ blinks for a bit, and then at the corner of his lips, there's a smirk tugging at it. "The name's Jaganshi Hiei, ningen."

I prod at him with my finger – he seems to really hate that. "Okay then, _Jaganshi Hiei_, if that is your _real _name. I'm – "

"I don't care who you are, onna." He says coldly.

"Whatever, whatever, _Jaganshi Hiei_, just get the bird away so I can go home, la…I'm hungry, cold and tired…"

"You really are stupid." Jaganshi Hiei claims. He ignores my shocked look and stares at the bird, then at the tree.

I frown deeply at him. How rude! The boy takes a great leapt, and appears beside the bird on a small hold of the footing. Wah! Normal ningens couldn't even reach that high?(!) But he could. I stare in awe. He inspects the bird, the bird doesn't stare back him and instead, begins to flap its wings and squawk like mad at Jaganshi Hiei; he seems a bit taken back, and he loses hold on his small spot on the lamppost head. I see his small body falling down onto the ground and I attempt to catch him. Yes, really.

I appear under his body, with arms out – I hope my maths is correct – Jaganshi Hiei lands on top of me and we both crumple to the ground. Okay, my maths had been incorrect. At least I broke his fall. Jaganshi Hiei gets back up off me, hissing at the bird. "That stupid creature has a death sentence." He growls low in his throat, a bit like a wild animal. He doesn't even bother to help me up as I poorly crawl out underneath him, trying to get my breath back, and hopefully – I've not broken any bones. He is quite heavy for such a short boy, la…

"Get up, onna." He orders coldly. "There's something for you to see."

"What's there to see, la?" I say.

He seems irritated with me, and grabs me up roughly by the arm before I could protest. Some of my bones even crack in pain as I am forced to move. The next thing Jaganshi Hiei does – is haul my entire body over his shoulder – but he tells me to hitch my legs around his waist – I gawk for a bit, but do so anyway or he'll be biting more than my head. He acknowledges our position – it looks as if he is giving me a piggyback ride.

"Wei, _Jaganshi Hiei_, what are you doing?" I demand furiously at him, pounding at his back with my fists. "Let me go this instant!"

"Argh, do you wish to die?" He barks at me as he struggles with my weight. His arms are under my legs, at the knees – so tightly, I think he's cutting off circulation at my legs

I stop and blink at him. "Are you threatening me?"

"Yes."

"Wrong answer!" I continue pounding him, but he leapt up anyway and I stop in my frantic attempt to get dropped – now I cling onto him like mad. "Waaaah! Don't let go of me, ah!"

He smirks, and lands on the small foothold of the lamppost – in fact, it's not even a foothold, just the remaining part of the lamppost that the bird is not sitting on – or covering with it's large physique. Well - for a bird, it is quite large in size. This makes me even consider about Jaganshi Hiei even more – just who is he?

"Don't die on me now, onna." He says, "Look."

I pull down on his gravity defying hair and stare at the bird. It's sitting on a nest, and some little birdy faces peep out, their little fluffy bodies tumbling around everywhere. My mouth opens and I fall in love with the sight at once. "Awww, how cute!"

Jaganshi Hiei rolls his eyes, and we hop back down. I didn't realise we had landed because I had closed my eyes, too afraid to open them – until he dropped me onto the ground. I sit back up and scratch at my eyes for a bit. "So that's why the bird isn't leaving. It's guarding its nest and babies until its partner comes back…. I think… no, wait. The lamppost's light is the bird's source of heat, like some kind of electrical power – so their eggs can hatch safely! Wah, how smart!"

He doesn't hear my last part of the sentence. "I'll wait for the other to come, then I'll kill it."

"_Jaganshi Hiei_!" I scold him furiously. He looks unfazed at me. "I'm warning you, you will not step one foot near those birds, you hear me?"

He dangerously makes a move at his sword and I gulp. Oops, got on his bad side. "You stupid onna. I've put up with you enough. No-one ever threatens me, especially _not_ ningens." His glare increases tenfold.

"Wai!" I can't believe I'm actually threatened by this guy. "I-I-I still have to get you ice cream – I mean, sweet snow, la!"

Pathetic excuse, I know, but hopefully, he will forget about his death threat and leave me alone if I get him some ice cream. Yes, sarcasm is my middle name. Oh, come on. It's the twenty first century; people are with the times, man. Jaganshi Hiei frowns at me, and then, lets go of his sword. Even if he did want to kill me, someone will eventually find my mangled and slashed body and hunt him down; he'll be in jail for sure – that's exactly what Jaganshi Hiei was thinking too. We both send rather lethal death glares to each other. I hesitantly pick up my toolbox and roll up my sleeves.

I turn back to him. "Are you coming?"

We're now sitting outside the local Seven Eleven Nightly service shop, eating ice cream. Well, he didn't really help me get rid of the bird, so I only got a tub of ice cream for us both to share. Unfortunately, Jaganshi Hiei knows nothing of sharing.

"You selfish jerk!" I roared at him, attacking him with the spoon. He merely swats away my annoying presence and digs his spoon further into the chocolate ice cream. "Let me have some, la!"

He glares as he takes minuscule dips. "_My_ sweet snow."

"I bought it, so it's mine!" I argue. He's such a possessive ass.

"I don't care."

Such a freeloader! My glare increases. "I do, so there, and you're not eating it properly. Here, I'll show you." I take the tub out from him extra slowly in case I hit a nerve, apparently, he agrees to let me hold it in my lap – but he sends me another warning glare, meaning 'if-you-do-anything-funny-onna-I-will-not-hesitate-to-kill-you.' Heehee, I'll pretend I didn't see that. "Here's how to do it."

I take the spoon and rake a huge dunk at the ice cream, stabbing at it ferociously – then I look at him, raise my eyebrow in a suggesting way – I motion to the spoon so he's watching. He watches in mild manner. I put it into my mouth and instantly – wham! Brain-freeze! My lip trembles and my eyes start watering as the ice-cold dessert stays in my mouth. Jaganshi Hiei watches my reaction with mild interest now.

After the ice cream melts, I look at him. "There, t-t-that's how y-y-you eat it." I say wobbly, yes, it's still so cold – that I can't seem to talk properly. Yet, the weather is so hot these days, I didn't know whether to be feeling cool or not.

"What happened to you?" he implies.

"Brain freeze." I simply reply.

"Brain freeze?" He repeats, looking a bit lost.

"Ya." I nod and urge him to copy my actions. "Go on, take a _huge_ bite." _And let's see what happens to you! _I couldn't wait to see his reaction – what was Jaganshi Hiei going to do? Squeal like a girl as my little brother did? Jump up and down like a frog as my little sister did? Or immediately spit it out as my older siblings done?

Jaganshi Hiei takes a huge scoop and promptly stuffs it into his mouth. A few seconds later, he swallows it – I see the lump of his Adam's apple moving at his throat and then going down. He stare across at the distance, then stares at me blankly. Was that it? Apparently so. "I didn't feel anything, onna."

I sigh. "Ahhh, well. You don't get brain freeze then. Boohoo for you, Jaganshi Hiei."

He looks back at the tub of ice cream, then back at me as I get back up, stretching a little. I start walking away – and he stands up. "Hey, where're you going, ningen?"

"Home, duh. I need my sleep." I begin swinging the toolbox around in my hand. "See you later, I will. Jaganshi Hiei, bye bye."

He scowls at me. "Why are you talking to me like that?"

"There's a bit of Yoda in everyone, la." I roll my eyes.

The boy looks clueless, but he gets up nonetheless, and continues eating the ice cream – shoving mouthful after mouthful. "Whatever."

I turn back around, shaking my head. "Whatever." I copy him, only using a different tone. "See you around."

Jaganshi Hiei begins following me. I know he's in the trees – because I can feel his gaze on my back, quite penetrating too, but I can't just help but turn back round. "What do you want now?"

"Who's Yoda?" He enquires suspiciously.

"My ex-boyfriend." I joke. Jaganshi Hiei's look on his face makes me raise an eyebrow. He perks up at me. "I was just joking. Yoda's a character in Star Wars." I add quickly. "... You've not heard of Star Wars?"

Jaganshi Hiei looks to the side. I give him a deadpan look. "No." He replies firmly. "Who cares?"

I sigh and shrug for a bit. "Jaganshi Hiei, you are a weird fellow." Man, that sounded gay.

"…. It's just Hiei." He utters rudely, looking away from me.

"What world are you from anyway?" I say – not caring if I was rude. He's been ruder to me.

He doesn't realise that I was also giving him cheek. "…. Makai." He replies.

I blink at him and bite down on my lip. "You're weird."

"You're weird for a ningen." He points out.

I snort at him and quickly turn on my heel, and march away. I can still feel that he's following me, so I turn around again. "Stop following me, you stalker!" I shout to nothingness – a man who just coincidentally passing me in the park gets weird looks from people walking their dogs. He immediately tries to shake off the misunderstanding.

Damn, Hiei was bad road at the start.

Back at home, I quickly run up to the car parking space, ducking behind the minibus which dad uses to take everyone to work – and looked around. Where is Hiei? Thank god my house isn't near any tall trees – I run for my life to the front door and yank it open – we never lock the door unless it's extremely late at night. So far, it's only seven-ish. I flew behind the sofa and looked out from behind sneakily at the front window where the blinds aren't completely drawn yet. Daddy Bob stared at me as I peered over his shoulder.

"What's wrong? You looked spooked."

"I was just stalked, dad."

Daddy Bob tenses. He looks to the phone, as if he'll just dial 999 – but I stop him. "It's just this silly boy who's never heard of Star Wars."

"Oh, a boy, I see? You go talk to your stepmother about these things. She's in the master room."

I crawl out from under the sofa and run upstairs – all my siblings are conveniently out of my way today, a pretty good thing, too, or I'd be pissed if they decided to ask me how my day off went – but wait, lemme think, noooo, I never did have a day off. I enter the master bedroom, where my step mommee is currently cutting flower stems into a vase. She looks up at me. "Something wrong?"

"I have a stalker. He's a boy, likes ice cream, never heard of Star wars. Jumps like an astronaut on the moon, quiet and just plain icky on the manners, but he's quite good looking though."

She raises a smooth eyebrow and laughs. "Ahh, you were always meeting weird people. What makes him so different? The last time I heard, you told me a man asked you if you had any change to buy some macaroni."

"But it's different." I say to her. "He's weird. He says he's from Makai."

"Surely he just daydreams too much?"

"Probably." I shrug. "But he carries a sword. Not many people do that these days." Then I sigh. "Okay, I'm going to my room."

I shoved the toolbox into my wardrobe – baby brother and sister currently downstairs watching TV, so I had the room to myself. I need a shower, too – but I felt so tired. Then – the door to my room opens. I sit back up.

Step mommee is there, looking confused. "Uh…. There's someone… here. A young man - says he wants to speak to you."

"What, downstairs?"

"…. No, at the balcony…. Outside my room. He landed on my balcony." She looks back over her shoulder. "Uh, yeah, she'll be out in just a second." She calls over her shoulder, and then she looks at me. "Just _who_ did you meet again?"

I sit up abruptly and make my way to my parent's room, staring at the balcony. There is Hiei, standing on the bar. "GOD!" I grimace. "You – How did – stalker! Stalker!" I yelled furiously. "What _are_ you doing here?(!)"

Hiei blinks at me. "Why did you run away from me?"

My step mum wanders out of the room leaving Hiei and me alone at her balcony where all her precious flowers had been knocked over at the banister thanks to Hiei. I glare at him. "Because. You're not normal – haven't you realised?"

"Normal?"

"Yeah, you're not a normal ningen. I know." I state in a matter-of-factly. "Just who are you?"

"I'm a - " Hiei begins.

Immediately, I shake my head and hold my arms up in defeat. "No, no, you know what? I don't care anymore? Just tell me, why are here?"

He shrugs.

My eyes widen at him. "You **DON'T **know?" Geez, what kind of an odd egg was he?

"I… just wanted to see you." He mumbles slightly. His usually narrowed ruby eyes are unusually slanted, in a way – I think there's a bit of a pink stain splashed across his cheeks.

My shoulders sag, and I stare at him in disbelief. "You wanted to see… me? Why?" I somehow dislike how this is coming out.

Hiei looks uncomfortable as he realises that I keep staring at him intently. "I don't know! Stop asking me these stupid questions, you stupid onna!"

I step back at his sudden outburst. "Okay, okay, geez. You're clueless, okay. Fine, stay here if you want. But won't your parents be wondering why you're not at home yet?"

"I don't have any."

"Uh…. Oh."

"What's wrong with you now?"

"Nothing, nothing." Then, I smile for a bit. "Don't you have any friends?"

"If you count two idiots and one fox, then yes."

"A fox?" I immediately think of the bushy-tailed animal and giggle.

"Yes, his name is Kurama."

"Aww, how sweet."

Hiei looks at me as if I am mad. "…. What?" I shrug. Did I say something wrong? An uneasy silence spawns between us as we stare at each other for a minute.

"Tell me more about Star Wars." He suddenly says out of the blue. "Yoda. Tell me about Yoda."

"Okay, tell you, I will." I begin, giggling again as I start talking like Yoda. "Backwards, Yoda speaks. Get it?"

He nods a bit.

"Stalking me, will you now stop?"

Hiei clears his throat a bit; his face grows a bit red again as he avoids my gaze. "I wasn't stalking."

"Sure you weren't, la…."

"Why do you talk like that?"

"Like what?"

"Add a 'la' to the end of your sentences." He says. "It's annoying."

Smiling a little, I put my hands behind my hips and lean forward to him a slight extent. "Wei… Aren't you just curious to know? Didn't you know that curiosity killed the cat?"

"I'm not a cat, if you haven't noticed, baka onna." He smirks a little. Hiei really thinks I am dumb.

"Ne, you must still think I'm a 'stupid ningen', yeah?"

"Of course."

"Well, this 'stupid ningen' thinks you're trying to hit on her in the worst way as possible - "

"But I'm not touching you." He looks at his hands as he takes them out from the pockets of his clothes.

I sigh, but then I start laughing. "Hiei, you really are clueless (!)."

**The End**

I know, the OC's name or looks aren't metioned at all in the story... I hadn't really bothered... Sorry. I'll leave it to your imagination if you want.


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